A lot to think about : Wandering through a Care Home

I imagined that I would come home and everything will be the same as it was before more or less. you can learn from my mistakes one of which was hiring a professional firm to clean my house and put some new carpets in the living room and bedroom unfortunately they also took my clothes out of the wardrobe in my bedroom and they put them on the floor in the back bedroom in fact they were thrown onto the floor my jewelry my rings disappears but I can't say they have been stolen becaus they might be somewhere I have not yet found them although that seems increasingly unlikely. the joy of being at home has been diminished because I'm not being able to quickly sort things out one problem is my eyesight which is not good I have been ill several times. I just hate the way my bedroom is. I have lost some new shoes my feet are deformed by rheumatoid arthritis and I cannot find the largest shoes I bought before I was ill it's also difficult losing a lot of your family. but despite the...

I lear ned from my experiences in the nursing home especially those I had with two very old ladies with dementia but also with a lot of personality as well. one of them said to me if only I could have visitors who didn't keep talking I would just like to have someone there like my son in the room but not constantly talking. I was glad that I was able to be with her for an hour and a half on her last day of life. she was conscious but in severe pain and I sat by her until the nurse asked me to to leave because they had to wash her when I got to the door she said say goodnight everyone it was only 3:30 in the afternoon but I did what she wanted as I said on her behalf goodnight everyone good night it was a great privilege to know this Welsh school teacher who was a mother of three children the other woman was more about their affected by dementia I learnt from observation and experience that I could communicate with a much better if I was present snd fully aware of my own body. you c...

For 4 months now I have been ill with severe UTIs. I’ve had a scan and I’ve got a lot of kidney stones which may or may not be the cause. Probably I have spent 10 weeks in bed and I was talking to a doctor this morning who was very kind but then said to me,do you think you are feeling a bit low at the moment? Wellvwould it not be abnormal if I were over the moon with joy!? He wonders if counselling could help me while I am waiting to see the consultant who might be able to solve the mystery of my illnesses. Given that most people don’t want to talk about illness which goes on for more than a few days or for the depression associated with some illnesses etc then perhaps counselling can help but what would help me more is a cure for this long illness . Or possibly if someone fell madly in love with me. But it would have to be someone who lived near me Maybe that would be a distraction from the illnesses and chronic pain I suffer from. On the other hand perhaps it would have no eff...

I think if it was possible that's quite a few older people in care homes or nursing homes would like to die as soon as they could. when did btell me I was a coward because I wouldn't k8ll her some of the people look as if they've died already while they're still alive it's a horrible thing to see someone like that with terribly sad eyes. but the windows don't open very far and there's very few ways in which anyone could themselves I did read about amount in Italy dying while trying to climb out of a nursing home window and lord himself to the ground with some sheets it's like being i another world where you have no autonomy really and if youask for more attention,were told that you're not the only person that they're loiking after it's very sad really the whole thing is very very sad. because what they really want they want somebody to talk to to have a conversation with they want something to happen under there she was very long for them ...

Now more than 2 years have passed by since I left the nursing home and return to my own house. and I know realise it's like when you break your leg it may heal quite well that will always be accepting in thwill never be the same as it was before. that is very hard for me to accept I thought it will be like a seamless garment in reality this is my torrent garment that seems like a torn garment history sewed together. and neighbours friends and neighbours have died and people have arrived and I am so different that even the ones who were friendly with me before seem to be suspicious now the worst part is that I feel I was treated by the woman who prepared to house for me. there's been a lot of pain of all kinds since I have broken my wrist and have had sepsis twice but despite that when I sit here in the evening with the lamps that and I look at the pictures on the wall I feel very happy moreover despite my health problems they're not as bad as if I wouldn't have remain...

When I came out of the nursing home and came to my house I thought I would just resume life as it was before I did not realise how much confidence I had lost until I wanted to put some washing in the machine and it was three weeks before I had the courage to do it but that's partly because of my poor eyesight quite soon I bought a new machine but I also need to buy any cooker and I have not yet done that sometimes I feel my mind or my will is paralysed also the neighbors acted differently towards me or I acted differently towards them but we did not just slip back into the friendships we had before until yesterday more than two years after I came home I met one of my kindest and most pleasant neighbors and we had a good conversation sitting on the wall

looking back what this experience in the nursing home seemed like it was like being caught in a Giant mouse trap or it was like being under a bell jar as in the novel by Sylvia plath the carers were the nicest people on the whole. many of them gave a lot of love to me but the residenclts was the lowest of the loq the nurses were regarded like gods and work really able to spend any time with anyone having to keep records and having to keep records and give out the medication several times a day the food was often pork and if you didn't like that and didn't eat much of it there was no alternative generally by that point though sometimes I just said could I have a sandwich I went down two dress sizes hungry and unable to sleep much at least I wasn't tied to the wall with a rope

It is almost two years since I left the nursing home but the psychological effects are still with me when I look at things in the house like the pictures on the walls I see that the the figure and ground are reversed

orWhile I was in the nursing home I realised that although the people there are paying for their care they are not treated as if they are employing the staff as they were it has recently occurred to me that the fact that my hair was not washed for more than four months after I went into the home may not just be laziness or carelessness letting someone who can't get out of bed become dirty either in their body or their hair or in their clothing is a way of diminishing them as people. and it's worse expression it was the way that the viewers were treated by the Nazis on their way to the concentration camps before they even got there there were no toilet facilities on the trains or in the trucks so by the time they're arrived at the camps they will be smeared with extrament etc and that was one way of making them less human to the gods under the people in charge and does it meant the easier for them to be ill treated even further as there were no more than dirty animals. pet...

It' possible that in a few years people with severe orterminal illness may be able to choose to die when they no longer feel their life is worth living because of pain disability or other factors. it's possible that nursing homes may close because people don't want to spend once or years lying in bed wearing nappers being fed my careers unable to do anything but watch the television and having f noew visitors. would you not rather die than be like that