In retrospect I see the love

I miss the love that Merry gave me when she came in early so she could help me to shower. She touched my body gently as if I were her mother. She wept when she knew I was leaving. I thought sometimes that for the minimum wage you couldn't expect people to give of themselves butI was wrong. Leah was also a warm loving humorous woman.L I think they like me because I talked to them and made conversation. it takes a long time in a place like that when you're sent there in severe pain and you are frightened because you have no family near& you don't know what to expect. and I would say that several things that happened to me caused me serious trauma. After one of them I rang the Samaritans. That will give you an idea. but also some funny things, humorous happened Was it a number of the staff thought that I was very beautiful and my white hair was actually thought blonde so they're like to and they like my night dress that had no sleeves and one young Muslim lady said that it was very sexy. The nurse took my photograph. so it's difficult to measure judgment overall about the nursing home based on your own experience because with the trauma you might feel that you never want to go there again. on the other hand there is love there are feelings but people who are living in nursing homes are not given any value by society at large. What I find most interesting and valuable was my friendship with two ladies who had severe dementia. I never thought I would be able to talk to someone afflicted that way but they're very similar to everybody else.It's just that they forget where they are whether they've had any food and sometimes feel very anxious. one of them said she had hallucinations most often in the late afternoon so when one afternoon this seemed to be happening I pointed out to her that she was probably having an hallucination. I got fond of her because we had a truthful relationship. often what she was bothered about was nothing to do with the dementia. often it was that she wanted to go into the garden but there was no one to take her and and the other thing was she wanted to see her daughter.that seems very normal. She told me that each day seemed like a year the last time I was with her she was half asleep. so I sang softly songs that my unconscious mind thought appropriate. like I'll take you home again,Kathleen.

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