A lot to think about : Wandering through a Care Home

You can take photographs indoors as well

Tom has gone to stay in a nursing home because he has unable to walk but will be able to walk again in tim2 but he's also got a problem with his kidneys and he is having dialysis Next to him Lady of approximately 97. She likes to go around and say goodnight to everyone. Since the New Year she's been going to come round more and more frequently. She has been a nuisance to me and I am normally  a very patient person. She came to my room more than 30 times in one evening between 5 and 8 p.m. She came in when I was naked. Then she came in after I turnevd the lights out. She frightened me, Although I'm begging her not to come she refuses to to do what I want. So 8 p.m. I put a heavy chair behind my door. She's bothered the woman in the next room to me bed bound and she's been boring this man that I mentioned called Tom  I heard him in half an hour ago shouting so I went through my door and looked and he was shouting at someone in the dining room which turn out to be the

No I had never seen anyone anyone with dementia until I came here and I thought they wouldn't be able to communicate but there's a lovely lady next to me. I didn't know that she's got dementia and it took me awhile to realise that not everything she said was true. What night about 10 she started screaming and and the screaming all demented person is hard to ignore The nurse was unable to help her and after an hour I couldn't stand it anymore so I went in and asked what was wrong and she said I want to go go home, so I said where is your home? She then said the name of this place sit will you are there you are at home already this is your room and you fully recognise my voice because I have an extra room to you and immediately she quieten down and was quite calm she been having a nightmare about travelling in a car which two strangers and she became frightened. But my voice then with him enough to calm her. Octoberi she died so maybe the dream was about that Since

Thi s morning was very noisy for me. There are only 4 people on this side of the buildings on the ground floor. Apart from myself there are three women aged around und 97 to 99 Two of them have definitely got dementia and the third one probably has as I'm not certain This morning they are all all you doing a lot of noise. One was screaming and a passed her d. she said that she wanted to sit in her chair because she was in bed and she said the bed was wet she had nothing over but she was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of incontinence pants. She begged me to get her out of bed but I can't do that because I am not one of the staff and in any case it takes two people to do it Then two of the stuff arrived so I left. As I walk back to my room the one who can walk about who I call Edna sitting at the dining table holding a very heavy stick which he was banging on the floor over and over again so I came back to my room and close the door but then I heard the third one sobbing and cryin

Yes some days the screaming is less affecting. Those who weep seem to be comforted. The staff more relaxed. Annoying things are een as humorous. Spring is in the air. Someone bring me some snowdrops Someone brings me a chocolate eclair I had a poor appetite but it's better and enjoy this cake. But it's still boring exit when I start writing poems or one of my friends writes. Something isn't right in the morning but before lunch something shift inside me and I feel as if I am standing on stable ground again All is right with the world

No you may forget some good things you might also forget some bad events in your life and as we grow older this may be a blessing in some ways Similarly it help me to deal with some of the people with dementia whom I had to be stern with it's help me to know that they may very well forget all about it. It's very hard for them I can see that. On wake up in the morning thex6 don't recognise their room. They wonder if they are in the right place: this makes it very hard to relax. Sometimes they shout I want to go home. Staff think they want to go back to the to the old home. Are houses being sold to pay their fees? They can't go back but they don't mean that they mean that they are confused they don't recognise the room I look after my husband at home for the last 8 months of his life he was very ill with heart failure. In the last month he said to me this house does not feel like our house anymore. If you are here I know it must be right so I'm ok. I'm

I am heard a carer saying to a very old woman and I don't know whether this woman has got dementia but she cries a lot and calls for help in a gentle sort of way which is not very effective. Sometimes she will call me in and tell me something but when I try to reply he says I have not got my hearing aid in or or I think the batteries come out of my hearing aid could you have a look at it, I can't do that but for some reason she brings out the worst in me I feel angry sometimes. I don't feel this is right but I can't discover what to do to help her. I think that if you have a relative in a care home or especially in a nursing home you need to visit them as much as you can because the days a long for them. So some of them keep pressing their button to call the carer even when it's only 5 minutes since the care with their and they're really can't give that much time to one person unless they become ill with flu or something but I don't think the carers

Continuing on from the last time it seems that this is very old woman believe that someone could heal her pain immediately if they would only listen to her but she makes such a lot of demands people tend to ignore a lot of them. 00 I don't know what she's really feeling like or whether he doesn't believe that they are deliberately withholding pain relief from her I don't know. But I do know that when she's feeling so much better I can talk to her and she will tell me she finds it very difficult to get through the long day. She will ask me what I do so I tell her that I'm a writing and I write every day. I also read a lot I don't watch the television. I talk to people on the phone when I can I talk to my visitors. This lady has some children about 70 or so. But they are rarely visit and that is very sad because it makes a tremendous difference to her when her daughter has been. It helps an artist on that day but for several days so if you have a mother or aun

 Alice may be the oldest person in this Home. She suffers a great deal because of dementia but she also does have physical pain. Some days this pain affects her severely according to the way that she is fin Because of dementia she seems to interpret the pain as an attack and althougho she has not said that it's  is the carers who have caused the pain she seems to feel that they could remove it from hrr if they chose..Hence there are spiteful because they are not doing what she wants..    

 I have spend some in the last 3 months with someone with dementia and I have begun to understand what is troubling her. I just mentioned that she can't walk about anymore so she is more dependant on carers to find her a wheelchair sometimes she has to wait quite a long time because it needs two people to get her from bed into the wheelchair. So I suppose she wonders if they are actually going to do it It must be very frustrating for her It's this. When she wakes up in the morning or if she has a nap in the daytime and then wakens up, she is very anxious to know whether she is in the right room it's on the right floor etc so she feels afraid and will start to scream or shout but if someone comes in and says I want to go home they don't realise that she means she's not sure where she is is she in the right room they think she wants to go back to the home she lived in before she became ill. Last night she was calling out and I'll say what s the matter and she sai

  The pathos of her howl cuts through my bones Dementia is the illness noone knows For hours of night and day she calls again The staff are underpaid,yet care remains Yet should sick people have to hear her. cries As some of us will live yet some will die

I have a little bathroom ensuite. It's difficult to close the doors when you're inside because it's very small and when you're using a walking frame you can't close the doors. Then he comes into your room and calls Would you like a cup of tea? And when he can't see you in the room he comes around and looks at you you while you're still sitting on the toilet. Yes I would love a cup of tea. Should I get up from the toilet and wash my hands so I am ready to ring my tea when he comes back. I don't feel embarrassed. But how does it affect you when there are no boundaries fort the staff. Someone came yesterday to cut my toenails and I said to her dmon't talk to me as if I am mentally defective. She seemed angry

 I doubt if many people who have their relative in a care home  where there is  no privacy or security in their own room are fully aware that their mother o or father or sibling has got no privacy at all although it isn't abused by the staff. And if you are bed-bound you are glad if someone comes into your room. The problem is when other residents with dementia wander about and coming to your room and say things that you don't really want to hear very much m Here there are no locks  anyway n  of the doors. I have already mentioned the Edna comes into my room and one day she came in 30 times after the evening meal at 5:30 pm. The started out as her going round once in the evening to say goodnight became two or three tiles and no there's no knowing what it will be. There's an aspect of it if I haven't not mentioned before. There are several vacant rooms and was inhabited till recently by a younger woman with learning disabilities. I would like to learn that she is now

 Even people who have a dementia for quite a long time can enjoy certain things. Everybody needs some stimulation; everybody needs something to do. I have tried to to explain it I believe we should start to prepare for old age when we are young by trying to develop interests and hobbies that we like her selves not just what a husband wife or family like but what we as individuals like because we are individuals with the right to have some pleasure in life and to be free from pain as far as possible and to mix with other people as much as possible if we want to. But one thing that seems to stop people even trying to do something is is the belief that if you couldn't do something at school that you will never be able to do it. Well I was told there was no good at art. I may not be a genius but I have done 7 paintings  and drawings which I like. I had no expectations I did not mind doing things which went stupid just  to someone who knew more than me. I had a strong urge I don't k

 If you are living in a care home or nursing home you probably can't go wandering along the mountain tracks it will be a good idea if you tried to go outside for some fresh air when it's a bit warmer. This may sound simple but isn't if you need a wheelchair then you have to have two people when you want to push the chair and want to accompany you and very often there are only 1two catetda duty on the ground floor here and so there is no one able to take the wheelchair outside let alone to have a companion. If you can walk you are still meant to have somebody with you and in practice there would have to be 3 carers on. So in the hot summer this year I did not manage to  go outside  Have been out a few times by myself using the frame because I never imagined it was  After all for most of the people here it is an end of life situation so why worry is there life is a bit shorter afro on the three people near me two of them have told me they want to die and one of them asked me

 If you  had a nasty accidentp which led to  your being in hospital for weeks and then into a nursing home you may find your mind has been affected by this. For example I could not visualisep my house from the outside nor remember what the rooms looked like  nor what the pictures on the walls were, nor the furniture This just went on for many many months. So when I thought of home I could only see our flat which left in 1977. I can see that too clearly I came into  criticism from the nursing home for being very anxious but my husband was dead,my brother had just died and I think now I was suffering from shock.  One of the symptoms I have w which got worse was the rushes of adrenaline as if I was in danger. I'l began to get  them in the evening and then I got into a panic state sometimes lasting all night .And  most staff just got angry with me for being distraught and for bothering them.  They said  they didn't know what to do so they claimed but what would you do with a fright

 If someone came to your house forty times in one day you would be very annoyed unless you knew you they have something wrong with them and could not control it even then it would be harassment. If you are in a nursing home where some people have dementia should bq resident be able to go to someone's room and into the room and something irrelevant? We are told this lady can't help it but whatever the reason is the effects on me or other people is very unpleasant and sometimes I find myself getting angry and shouting go away which has no effect q If I sit down with her and talk and ask her not to visit me so much she denies ever coming since she walks round and round the building so many times especially in the evening that she looks exhausted. But I can't let her totally ruin my life. The staff said they can't do anything because she's got dementia but if you or a friend of yours or the mother of a friend is in a home like this check with them whether this happens

I have walked the silent paths of grief Sunless, dreary, cold and all alone. I have slept on beds of winter leaves. I feel that death’s a cruel, mysterious thief. Although my heart weeps , and my joy has gone, I have never felt I was deceived. I have learned that human life is brief. I have learned by sorrow we’re undone. I have sifted earth and what’s beneath. I have felt my dark emotions seethe While I’m cruelly mocked by glaring sun. I have learned the geography of grief. I wait in patience for my life to ease. Will I know when my Last Supper’s come? Will my tale be written on a leaf? Unconsoled grief can make us dumb Into our hearts, we drag the ice that numbs I have walked the silent paths of grief I have made my bed on winter leaves Published by  Katherine

S Several people here who are in the late 90s and one of them I will call Edna is still able to walk about independently. There used to be a man in the next room to her who was much younger and he had come here  waiting for the council to find hin  more suitable place. I shall call him Tom. Ash every meal time he would take Edna to the dining room and they held hands as they walked slowly together in one day Tom was moved to a different room. Edna was not told beforehand. Then he was moved back down here but in a different room still at least she saw him while eating her meals. Then the council found the best place for Tom to go to and in 2 days he had gone wit without saying goodbye to anybody here and without Edna specifically told he was leaving. Her journeys around the place to say goodnight to everybody in the evening became more frequent and I've already said that she came into my room 30 times one evening. H Sgcame in at different times and twice I was completely nak

None so blind as those who will not see The suffering of the old is hidden from view How cruel the world indifferent yet to me My face is frozen killing any clue. The colours of the heart are mainly blue. Sister, sister do you not agree.? The suffering and the dying not on cue From the desert of the aged flee. I wonder whether God asks who are you? God has got dementia yet is free The suffering of the old enrages few A play on words amusing I shall sue

Women need to get some hobbies before they reach retirement age and the reason why they didn't always do that is because women are very very busy all their lives looking after children cooking clear washing working in a job at side the home helping husbands. They are waking up when  1¹they get to be 60 and they are alone. Men die, kids leave home and suddenly  nobody needs them anymore. Show it will be a very good thing it all women A little time Out from caring for their families and trying to decide what they would like to do which is only for them not for caring for other people. Maybe you can knit  or crochet. Now before you become too old to do  anything new, it's a good idea  to learn something creative and new. A lot of people enjoy art and the evening you're not very good at drawing you can go to classes for beginners or or during an online class in zoom where you can also learn any language which was very helpful to your brain because cognitive decline is not what

 If you get older and also so have problems with mobility you need things that you can do at home. Go to zoom classes or chokes on your interests. Then should you be in a home you will have something to do So think of things like writing stories poems, going to some arts classes, check up knitting or crochet, listen to music and discover who are your favourite people; do you love classical music or Leonard Cohen or or the Beatles Why don't get some CD's of your favourites or MP3. Going to a home we will need something play the music on whether it's your tablet or phone or a radio with a CD slot. If you like reading but your vision is not good you could listen to audiobooks or or podcasts. It will make a big difference to your life in a care home if you have something to do do other than watching the television but it has to be something you really really like. Don't be worried if you are not good at writing poetry because even bwriting bad poetry it's beneficial and

 When you are looking for homes for your relative ask whether they have music or music therapy because we do have it here and everybody loves it whether or not they have dementia or other illnesses. The man who comes to do it is very gifted. There is also another talented gentle and kind person here who does a number of creative activities including flower arranging which is very popular. I think this is a big thing to look for because  we can get lonely in our rooms And bored. Flowers smell lovely which reminds me that maybe if you can go into the garden in the summer or spring you can see the bulbs coming out and that is really helpful Would you want to watch the television for 14 hours a day? It can be very good but again it's cutting you off  From other people

 If you or someone you know is going to move into a care home or a nursing home in the in the UK I can't tell you everything that you need to find out but I can tell you one or two  things which are important. Do they tell the residents when one of them dies?Ask about this because two people here distressed about this Advice given is that it is better to tell people rather than just think that if you don't tell them thaley won't grieve. I can see one person who has been badly damaged by this and there are others who have been affected by it but maybe not so much. The staff of protecting themselves not the residents. In my opinion it may be that the staff will be distressed as they talk about it to the residents merch if they can't talk about something like this maybe they need some help or training Ask the manager if there is a lock on the door of the rooms. There are locks that you can get which are suitable which are are lockable with a key from the outside and all th

 I have been visiting   two people with dementia. One who shouts and screams a lot is quite rational if you can get used to her and calm her,  and be  present with your body. Sometimes she likes to hear me sing,  to talk about her childhood  At other times she will say that But at times she can't control herself she can't listen and have a conversation so she is able to reflect.she can't walk and at the moment she is in her room all day. Extroverted so she doesn't like to be alone all the time but sometimes I've heard the staff sayings of someone in a similar situation. We don't do one-to-one caring here. We have got a lot of other people times look after. One-to-one caring is what you need and you could only get that in a different kind of home As it happens  there are fewer people here than there were. I think there may be something wrong and they're not taking new people so it should not be so difficult to care for someone like this. But on the other han

dementia There are some people on the ground floor with dementia on as well as people without dementia  Only one of these 3 people can walk.This lady is called Edna let us say, she used to walk around in the evening going to every room and saying good night and God bless then she began to do it twice or three times it's rising and one recent day she came to my room 30 times just in t  evening I did not count the day visits Last week she came in twice when I was naked. Of course we don't have any boundaries. Staff walj in and if you are on the toilet in your bathroom they will just walk around and talk to you you and ask you whether you want to a cup of tea. At least once it's been a man who did this. I went to bed early on Thursday before the night Nurse came with the medication at 8 pm. Having pain in my joints and I was tired I was drifting off to sleep about 920 p.m. when the door open with a bang and this  woman came In arms said some prayers then banged the door shut

 Until recently I had never met anyone with dementia. Now I know three people although one of them died recently. It was interesting that they had the same diagnosis it's affected them in very different ways. One woman who had been a teacher and studied English literature at university tells me things about the other people she livedbmwith which I believed at the beginning. When she said that she could read the news on the ceiling I understand that I must be aware that not everything she tells me was absolute truth. She. never forgot to ask me how my family were and remembered the details. Another lady was normal some of the time but then at other times she was screaming,help me and her face looked full of bitterness. She had one need or something if you wanted the carer to do but then would have another one 5 minutes later so even if someone has just been to see her she wanted someone else to come these two women could not walk independently. I think that added a lot of strain and

 We try not to think about parts of life yet all of us will get old and many of us are not wealthy. Using various defence mechanisms might people happy in the early or middle part of what is we never think about the fact that we're all going to die we may be less prepared for the shock A really important aspect of life is the ability to communicate with people in in positions of authority or people in your bank or  doctors and anyone else who tries to affect your life usually for your own good but not always. For example it could be quite difficult and even demeaning to try to claim benefits that you are entitled to during your working life and when you are older. Ify You are frightened it's not so easy to communicate and you may think people are very very intelligent because they've been to university that they have learnt to do is to cover everything with words. It's a kind of intimidation which makes the recipient feel inferior. Can you find  anyone who will help you